Welcome back to Best Case Parenting! This article is one setup to hopefully give advice for new parents. More specifically, advice for mom. Especially those that are enduring parental stress and need help lightening the load. After reading this article, the aim is to turn that stressed mom into a empowered one!
Being a mom is an amazing and beautiful thing…..but it’s also a big responsibility. Today’s parents are helping to raise the next generation! The next group of intelligent, creative and hopefully awe inspiring people! To cut a long story short, bringing a new life into the world is a big thing! And along with it can come a substantial amount of parental stress!
If you ask many moms in this world what it’s like, most would wax lyrical about it being the most amazing and important part of their life, something they would never wish to change.
However, the other side of the coin is the harsh reality of a parent’s daily life (and parental stress). The daily life of a parent is like a fine balancing act. Spinning as many parental plates as possible without any falling! Things such as motherhood, your partner’s needs, your career, and your best buddies whims all need to be kept spinning! And of course, don’t forget your own well being. So, not only is being a parent one of the most important “jobs” in the world, it is also one of the toughest!
We all want to be the world’s best mom and give the best upbringing to our children! We want to be everything and do everything! Is this even possible? Yes, you CAN be the “world’s best mom”, but you just need to learn how to put yourself in a place which gives you the best chance of success. To empower yourself to achieve this status as a mom without your parental stress going off the charts!
Are you experiencing parental stress? Hard to cope? Advice for mom incoming! Become one of those empowered parents!
What is a “World’s best mom”?
Before getting into our advice for new parents, we want to first address the heart of the problem of stressed mom’s (in our opinion). That is the idea of this “super mom” figure….an exceptional mom that can be seen in their perfect house…with their perfect family….doing the school run with perfect hair and make up! What is this all about?
Well, simply put a world’s best mum is an exceptional mom. But, of course, everyone’s idea of an exceptional mom is different! Go ask anyone what their idea of a great parent is, and you are sure to get a wide selection of ideas!
However, there are some common themes that should run through everyone’s ideas!!
These include things such as:
- Raising children that are well cared for and never have issues regarding health and comfort.
- Always having time to spend with your child. Whether it be helping them with their homework, taking them to the park or simply catching up with a chat.
- Being an excellent role model for your children to learn from.
- Having an active role in your child’s life. Attending those school events, for example.
- Communicating well with your child, helping them feel loved and appreciated.
- Helping your child become appropriately educated, setting them up for a successful life.
Interestingly, these factors are not easily quantified and are open to a lot of interpretation.
What is the best way to help our children feel “loved and appreciated”? How active do you really need to be in your child’s life? You end up with more questions than answers!
Aren’t exceptional moms supposed to be those that are the leading lights in parent teacher associations? That are the first in line for their child’s Christmas concert? That have the perfect home, devoid of dust and clutter? That have some high powered job in the city? And of course, that do all of this with a perfect smile and matching makeup!
Of course, we need to be realistic, otherwise you run the risk of endless parental stress and an ultimately unfulfilling existence. Not even the “Rolls Royce” of moms can do all of these things all of the time.
Here’s the thing! You need to stop worrying about other people and about that “super mom” that lives down the street. I guarantee they are not as perfect as you think! Otherwise, you will likely spend your whole life as a parent striving for something that is unattainable.
What you need to do is build your own image! Your own idea of what makes up the “best mom in the world”!
Yes, being a mom is the most important job in the world, but your own sanity and quality of life is equally as important! When you wrap your head around this, you can empower yourself to be a great mother AND a great women!
Yes, that supermom down the street will make sure to have quality time with her kids. Maybe she will be seen around her child’s school helping with events.
She might even work outside the home if she has the skills. She might even be a high powered banker. But then again, she may be too busy to upkeep a “perfect” house. The reality of being a great parent is a far cry from the perfect depiction in sitcoms and movies!
You need to take the power back in this situation. Define yourself what you consider to be the qualities of that exceptional, picture perfect mom. Discover the reality of the role for yourself. What do you think is best for your children? Is it teaching them the value of money? Or leading by example eating regular healthy meals? Or making sure to take time out to practice their favourite hobby? Is it demonstrating the importance of self care?
You can’t take a “one size fits all” approach to this. Each mom is special, bringing their own unique set of qualities and values. Take your time, give it some thought and come up with your own exceptional mom blueprint.
The importance of balance!
When you add your responsibilities as a mom to all your other commitments, balance is key. For a modern parent, there are multiple responsibilities pulling for your attention all at once!
The problem of stress is not confined to parental stress. Most people in our modern world have to deal with stress in one way or another. The problem is, if you don’t control your levels of stress, it can start overflowing into other parts of your life, affecting not only you, but other around you including your family and close friends.
As mothers strive for perfection in their parenting, they can be left nursing some pretty bad side effects….such as depression, illness…anxiety…finding yourself flying off the handle for no reason.
So, it’s perfectly fine striving to be one of those exceptional parents, but it is equally important to also understand how to control your stress. Learn how to give yourself a good balance, rather than just trying to go for gold on everything. Allow yourself moments to de-stress and take stock.
And if you do find yourself stressed out and wanting to run away from it all, don’t worry, it happens to everyone at some point! The most important thing is to take action and start dealing with that stress!
Make de-stressing an integral part of your life!
If you can learn to acknowledge parental stress and deal with it appropriately, your life and the lives of those around you will be much more harmonious.
Make sure to do things every day that act to alleviate stress. This things are simple, but when done regularly will work wonders on your stress levels.
These things include meditation, yoga, breathing techniques, physical exercise and even keeping a diary. These type of activities help to bring more calmness to your everyday life. Physical exercise has been proven to almost be like a stress burning technique!
Coupled with some more substantial stress busting activities, you will be well along the road to improving your parental stress. These things can’t be done as often, but are also important tools in your arsenal to fight stress.
This could include pampering yourself with a facial…a pedicure or anything else relaxing that you enjoy! These act as short periods of calm within the storm of parental stress. You can tell your family what you are doing and ask them not to contact you. Turning off your smartphone may add more to the de-stressing effect!
To not put too finer point on it, make sure that everyday you are taking time to include these kind of activities in your life as a mom. Even just ten minutes a day could do wonders on some particularly stressful days. Your family and friends will thank you for it later.
It is so easy to just bury your head in the sand and say that everything is going to be OK. That you can just power through! But, trust me, you will eventually find yourself overwhelmed by your parental stress.
Stress has a negative impact on everyone, so you really are allowed and really need to give yourself a break now and then. Take time every day, even if it’s just ten minutes, to participate in an activity that will help with relaxation.
And, don’t worry, it’s not only you! Like we said before, being a mom is one of the most stressful and demanding jobs on this planet!!
I will say it again!! Balance!! It’s all about balance!!
Look at it this way. Before you were a parent, you could deal with busy days at work. If you had suffered a particularly gruelling day at work, you could simply come home and crack open a bottle of wine.
As a busy parent, there is no down time. It’s more than just a full time job, it’s 24/7. Even if you do have an outside job to go to, you will probably find yourself contemplating family matters whilst at work….maybe you have a stressful day at work…that glass of wine and quiet will be a lot harder to find when you go home.
From your first waking breath until you lay your head on your pillow at night, you will be caring for your children! Supporting them, giving them food, nursing them when they are sick. Yes, it is one of the most rewarding things anyone can ever do in life! But it is also one of the most tiring!
When you are juggling all these different parental responsibilities and duties, it can be easy to feel like you have lost touch with the other parts of your life. Yes, bringing up a child is important and a lot of people want to agonise over doing it right! But, your partner….your friends…you don’t want to completely disconnect from them.
By keeping a good level of balance, you will not only be less stressed, but also maintaining over parts of your life. After all, when your child is older and doing their own thing, you don’t want to be completely out of touch.
Love and embrace your role as a mother, but don’t abandon everything else!
Yes, you ARE allowed to have a life!!
Believe it or not, you will find that most other “super” or “exceptional” moms know the value of having a life outside of parenting and are OK with it! Maybe you just don’t see this from the outside looking in.
It may sound awful, but they don’t feel they have to give 100% of their energy to their children. This is just an idealistic theory that will lead to exhaustion! Of course, children will always be a major part of our lives and take up a lot of our time and energy. But its up to us to make sure they are not taking over all our time and overwhelming us! So, a good mom acknowledges that in order to be that good at parenting and give their kids the best upbringing possible, they need to also take care of their own life balance. Making sure that the “Super Mom” also gets looks after and her well being considered.
To be an empowered parent, it simply means that you allow yourself to do whatever it takes to do the best for yourself and your family. You understand that balance is the key to a successful and happy family life and you follow it.
Empowerment means to give yourself the power and authority to do what you need to do to be good to yourself and your family. It also means that outside influences such as the media and well-meaning friends and relatives can be considered, but not necessarily taken to heart and acted upon.
You may feel some kind of social pressure from work colleagues and how those perfect families are depicted on the TV. That you have to sacrifice yourself for your children. If you do this, you are doing both yourself and your children a disservice. Your children deserve a happy, diligent but well rested mom. One that is thinking about the big picture.
Every mom is different. I will say again “you cannot have a one size fits all solution.” Some mothers may get a lot of fulfillment from their career outside of the family, and there is nothing wrong with this. As long as your commitment to that job is not overshadowing the care you give your children. Balance! I keep saying this word!
Sometimes, you do see some frazzled moms, that almost forget to look after themselves when their baby arrives. This is more than understandable…you have just brought a new entity into the world. But jut make sure you recover, and that it doesn’t become a habit.
Those quick trips for a wash and blow dry, sessions in the gym (or whatever is equivalent for you) are vital to maintain a healthy balance. It IS Allowed!
To be a good parent, your mind and body must be in good condition. It must be like a well maintained luxury car, not a sports cat that’s been thrashed around the block a few times! Eat right! Get out and about! Make sure to relax sometimes!
The danger when you have children is that your partner starts getting neglected. Caring for this relationship is very important. Surely, this is the whole reason there are babies in the picture!
So, find a good baby sitter! Spend some quality time with your partner. Even have the odd weekend away together. Keep those connections strong, something that will benefit the whole family in the long run!
Being a mother is the best job in the world, and it’s a big responsibility. But you are still allowed to take care of the other important areas of your life.
You may sometimes question your decisions on this life balance and you even feel guilty sometimes about not always being with your children. This is normal. Just remind yourself of the big picture. Be an empowered parent. One that knows what parent stress is and how to deal with it. Be the best person you can be, and you will in turn be the best parent you can be.
So, are “Exceptional” moms perfect?
So often, we strive for perfection. In fact, this perfection is not achievable and is in fact a myth. Were you perfect when your children were just a glint in your partner’s eyes?? Of course not, so how can you expect yourself to attain perfection with the added responsibility of parenthood.
No one is perfect and we all hit some bumps in the road at times. But you can decide what your definition of perfection is for your family. Embrace the change, and find a way to adapt but still maintain a healthy balance in your life. Don’t allow your natural motherly instincts to take over everything else in your life!
Think about what is important for your family? Is the income from your career vital? Do you really have to do all those household chores everyday? Do you need Friday night drinks once a month with your husband to maintain that relationship. Only you know what this is. Think about it carefully. Write it down and try your best to include these things in your “perfect” plan for life with children.
Give yourself some space and time to work this out. This is a complex puzzle that needs time to solve!
Whilst you are doing this, don’t let yourself feel down. Parenting can be overwhelming…not just for you…for everyone!
In this day and age, we are bombarded with media….with other people’s ideas of what is and isn’t good parental behaviour. Don’t let all those “perfect” posts on social media mislead you. Behind that post are probably a lot of similar struggles to your own.
Stay strong in the knowledge that balance is the key to being a great parent! In no time, you will have other moms thinking YOU are that “super mom”.
Do you have advice for new parents? Advice for mom? How do you relieve parental stress? What is your idea of an empowered parent?
We would love to hear your feedback in the comments.