You feel like you’re failing as a parent when your child doesn’t respect you. You try your best to set rules and give warnings, but it seems like nothing works.
Your child just keeps disobeying and misbehaving, regardless of what you do. The most confusing part is that he/she behaves perfectly in front of others.
You feel like you can’t win, and it’s so frustrating!
Don’t worry, you’re not alone and this is a problem that many parents face. In this guide, we’ll look into the reasons why your child behaves differently around you compared to others.
We’ll also look at some solutions to solve this frustration. Imagine having your child look up to and respect you.
Hang in there. You can do this!
As a former Yelling Mom, I know how the cycle goes. First, you ask your kids nicely. Then you remind. And you repeat …and remind. After all that nagging, you finally EXPLODE.
If you’re stuck in this never-ending cycle, you’re not alone. I know how easy it is to resort to YELLING when nothing else works to get your kids to listen. I felt so GUILTY and helpless. So when I learned there were BETTER, guilt-free ways to get my kids to listen, my life CHANGED.
After spending many months in frustration, I discovered a NEW parenting strategy that WORKS with no yelling! It was created by Amy McCready, and she has a FREE webinar where she teaches about this NO-yelling formula for consequences, and so much more!
Why Does My Child Only Misbehaves At Home And With Me?
Before we look at the solutions, it’s important to understand what causes this behavior in your child. The solutions are frequently hidden in the issues themselves. So let’s start by looking at the possible reasons why your child is so defiant with you.
Not setting consequences for when your child misbehaves.
As parents, we’re all guilty of this. We’ve been there, done that. We’ve tried to be super mom/super dad, yet we feel like we fail miserably. We’ve spent hours trying to come up with the perfect consequence for when our child misbehaves.
But what do we do when they don’t listen? When they ignore us completely and just keep on doing whatever it is that got them in trouble in the first place?
We give up.
We let them get away with it because we simply don’t have time or energy to fight anymore. And then we wonder why our kids are constantly misbehaving…sound familiar?
Setting consequences will help them understand that their actions have consequences, and can help them learn from their mistakes. It’s also important to be fair when setting expectations and to make sure that they are relevant to the issue at hand.
By doing this, you’ll help your child develop good behavior habits that will last into adulthood.
When it comes to setting consequences for our children’s misbehavior, we need to be fair, but we also need to make sure that they are relevant to the issue at hand.
Don’t make the consequence too severe for the action. If your child is only 2 years old, don’t take away their toy when they misbehave. They won’t understand what they’re losing, and it will just scare them.
A better way to handle this is to remove them from the situation. It’s more effective to tell them that they need to go to their room for a few minutes to calm down than it is to remove the toy.
Make sure the consequence is age-appropriate. If your 5-year-old misbehaves, give them a consequence that they can handle. Take away their tablet for example instead of grounding them from playing with other children at the playground for a week.
Consequences should be logical and relate to the issue. For example, if your child doesn’t study before a test and fails, they should not get grounded for a week. This will only make them resent their schoolwork even more.
This leads us to the second reason children don’t obey or respect us.
Not following through with punishments and warnings.
This one goes hand in hand with setting consequences. If you don’t set consequences for when your child misbehaves, they will keep on doing whatever it is that got them in trouble in the first place. But following through with those consequences is just as important.
One of the most common problems that moms and dads face is following through with punishments and warnings.
It’s tempting to give a warning instead of issuing a punishment, or to promise not to punish if the child behaves for the rest of the day. But this often leads to children who don’t take punishments seriously, and who continue to behave poorly.
This is the equivalent of saying “yes” to everything and never setting boundaries. This, like failing to set consequences for misbehavior, will make your child think that they can get away with anything and that no rules apply to them.
By following through on punishments and warnings, you’re teaching your child that you mean what you say and that they need to behave themselves.
6 Tips to help you follow through with punishments and warnings
- Be consistent. This is one of the most important things to remember when it comes to setting rules and punishments. If you don’t enforce the same consequences every time, your child will quickly learn that they can get away with anything.
- Make sure the punishment is fair. This goes back to setting appropriate consequences for your child’s age and actions. Don’t punish them too severely or make the punishment irrelevant to the issue at hand.
- Follow through with your threats. If you say that you’re going to take away their TV time for a week, make sure you do it. Don’t let them get away with occasionally misbehaving or setting false deadlines.
- Don’t back down. Don’t give in to your child’s pleas for mercy because this will only encourage them to test you more often. Even if they are crying or throwing a tantrum, don’t let yourself be swayed.
- Pick your battles wisely. Occasionally, it’s necessary to let go of the small things. This allows you to focus on the big issues. But if you constantly give in, your child will believe that they can get away with anything and everything.
- Be patient. Remember that it takes time for children to learn good behavior, even when you’re enforcing consequences every time. Don’t punish them too harshly or be too lenient because of how they’re acting. They will soon learn that behavior and their actions have consequences.
Trying to be their friend rather than their parent.
Being a friend to your child can be a tempting proposition, but it’s important to remember that you are their parent, not their friend.
Trying to be friends instead of parents can lead to confusion and mixed messages for your child. It’s crucial to be consistent in your parenting style and communicate with your child in a clear and concise way.
By maintaining the boundary between parent and friend, you’ll help ensure that your child knows where they stand with you and feels secure in their relationship with you.
That is not to imply that you can’t enjoy the bond between you and your child. But it does mean that you should be the one to set the rules and expectations that you will always be there to listen and support them, but above all else, you are the guide in their life.
It’s your job to be the authority figure in your child’s life. It’s also your job to make sure they know you love them, even if you’re strict with them at times.
Your children should never question whether they are loved by you, but instead feel secure knowing that regardless of what happens, you will be there to guide them and love them.
Discipline is a difficult and often confusing task for many parents, but it doesn’t have to be so complex. If you follow through with your threats, set reasonable expectations for your children, and listen when they need support, you’ll be able to help them grow into well-behaved children.
Here are a few things you can do:
- Don’t ask for permission. This is never okay, no matter how old your child is. Always let them know what the expectations are and do not waver from them.
- Be firm. If you’re going to follow through with a punishment, make sure you mean it. Don’t let your child call your bluff, or they will quickly learn that they can avoid consequences anytime they want.
- Never give in to a tantrum . This is one of the most difficult things to do, but it is crucial for teaching your child that tantrums will not get them what they want.
Being too permissive.
It can be challenging to find the right balance between being too strict and being too permissive with your child. But it’s important to remember that a little discipline is necessary for children to learn how to behave appropriately in society.
Here are four reasons why you should not be too permissive with your child.
- Permissive parenting can lead to behavioral problems in children.
- Children need limits to feel secure and safe.
- Permissive parenting can cause children to become dependent on their parents.
- Permissive parenting can impair a child’s ability to think for themselves.
When we are too permissive with our kids, it can cause them to feel maladjusted because they are used to getting what they want.
When you give in to your child’s tantrums or don’t express any type of disapproval, your child will think that acting out is an appropriate way to get things accomplished.
As you are probably starting to see, all 5 reasons are connected.
Being permissive leads to behavioral issues, which can cause children to act out even more. They begin to think that their parents will always give in to them, so they never learn the difference between what’s ok and what isn’t.
Arguing with your child rather than disciplining them.
Parenting isn’t easy, and that is especially true when it comes to dealing with arguments.
As a parent, you know how important it is to stay calm and keep your head during an argument with your child – but it can be tough to do that when they’re pushing all of your buttons.
However, there are consequences of arguing with your child, and it’s critical to understand what they are, so you can avoid them.
Here are four of the biggest consequences of arguing with your child.
- Arguing with your child will not help them learn right from wrong.
- Arguing with your child can make them feel uncomfortable, which may cause behavioral issues to arise.
- Your relationship with your child could become strained if you argue too much.
- Many times, arguing leads to unrealistic punishments.
When you argue with your child, it’s essential to remember that they are not the enemy, and you don’t want them to consider you to be such.
You need to make sure that you set appropriate standards for their behavior and communicate these standards without making them feel like they’re in trouble or doing something wrong.
As you embark on these new strategies, you might find it harder at first, since your child is already showing signs that they do not obey you or respect you.
But if you stick with it, it will pay off.
Disciplining our children can be difficult, but it’s important for their development and future success. When done correctly, discipline will help your child learn right from wrong and develop a sense of self-control.
It’s also crucial to remember that there are consequences of not disciplining our children – these consequences can include behavioral problems, strained relationships, and unrealistic punishments.
By following the suggestions in this article, you’ll be able to better discipline your child without resorting to arguing or permissiveness.
Stay calm, patient, and maintain the course. The good news is your child already behaves in front of others, which means they already show signs that their default conditioning is to behave.
As you continue with this new process, you will begin to see signs that your child not only obeys you, but respect and looks up to you as well.